The title of this is a line I’ve seen thrown around a lot, but haven’t really understood until this morning….
Over the past few weeks I’ve been beating myself up over a few things, but in a nutshell I can narrow it down to a lack of satisfaction with where I am in life right now in terms of success in achieving my goals. When I say success, I don’t just mean professionally, I mean that and a lot more. I am not satisfied with my level of fitness, I am not satisfied with how I am only modestly aggressive with work rather than being the go getter. I am not satisfied with the fact that I haven’t taken the time to read as much as I have wanted to, and I’m not satisfied with always saying I want to be almost fluent in a couple other languages yet I still only speak and understand Spanish and Italian at a half assed level. I am dissatisfied that I don’t have a much vaster knowledge on subjects that actually interest me. That’s only a fraction of what I’m not satisfied with.
I woke up on my 28th birthday just over a week ago, and felt like I wanted to stay in bed all day and wallow in misery with all those thoughts of “I should be farther in life than this” The feeling passed as I was flooded with birthday messages and met friends later for drinks. I indulged in a bit of a novelty and got a palm reading for my birthday, I have had psychic readings and palm readings in the past, years ago and thought it would be funny see what this palm reader who operates out of a local bar had to say.
As I expected, she didn’t say anything too interesting…..mostly vague characteristics which could be applied to almost anybody. She told me I have an “intense” personality, am an all or nothing type or person and am very hot and cold. *yawn* I was told I will have three children, and I will work late into life because i get bored easily. She said I need to watch myself with addictions like sugar and alcohol (almost all women have a sweet tooth and judging by the fact I’m not skinny she probably figured I indulge lol). I honestly don’t remember much of what she said now because it seemed so trivial. However, one thing stood out that I related to. She said that I often take a long time to do things due to insecurity. I don’t know if she actually read that, or if she just mentioned it because everyone has insecurity in some way. Regardless, it was relevant to what I was thinking about earlier in the day.
I realized that much of why I am not where I want to be right now is because I haven’t taken enough action. I think a lot….I have many ideas, but my follow through isn’t great. I can see that a fear of failure is usually what holds me back from giving things my 100%. This morning I was reminded of a few times where I studied my ass off for an exam and didn’t do as well as I was thinking I would. The worst time was when I helped a friend who was completely lost study, taught her and she ended up doing better than me. Such instances left me just not wanting to try, and basically with two approaches to everything I do. I either focus so hard for a short period of time to the point I crash and burn (exactly what happened to me with those exams) OR I just don’t put very much effort in at all. So what does the Journey being the destination have to do with any of that? Well, I came to realize that it’s not always achieving the goal that’s most important but there is value in every step of getting to the goal that’s meant to be fully experienced and by overshooting to the big goal, a lot is missed. With only focusing on the big goal and thinking of it as daunting and unobtainable it becomes easy to just not even try.
Most of you know me as a person of extremes…I’m either eating so clean to the point it’s ridiculous for a few weeks, and then indulging in pizzas and shawarmas for another couple weeks. I’m either working out 5-6 times a week or not at all. Take those extremes and apply them to basically every other aspect of life and you have me.
I have come to the realization that if I continue on in this way, another birthday is going to come along and I am going be just as dissatisfied because for every step i take forward I take steps back. So my resolution for this 28th year of my life is MODERATION, MODERATION, MODERATION!
I plan to stick with this by setting small goals for myself that assist in achieving the larger goals. I am not going to write out my entire plan on here, but for example with my health goals. I’m just going to eat things I like in moderation, no weeks of cutting out anything completely unless of course it’s something toxic and aim for a min. of 3x a week for working out, no pressuring myself to do 6x a week. Also, I need to keep in mind that with everything I do, expanding my knowledge is key for me in keeping my motivation. I look back at what motivated me when I first lost weight, and what motivated me when I was weight lifting intensely for a while and see that I was constantly engaged in learning new information both theoretically and practically. I need to invest a bit more time into reading and connecting with others who have similar interests. I will stick to similar principles in all areas of my life, and see if this attempt at a balanced approach produces forward motion.
Step 1: do not overshoot, crash, and become discouraged
Step 2: Set a small goal for every area of life
Step 3: Go do it
Step 4: Repeat with next goal
Another reason why I am often reluctant to try is because I have had many instances in life where I have tried so hard to attain a specific goal and despite consistent efforts it has been held away. In my life hard work was not always equated with success in a traditional sense. In those instances where I have had the things I was working towards withheld from me I have always been driven into some sort of internal lesson to reassess my life values….I won’t go into much detail there but just end off by saying those types of life situations and the frequency in which I have encountered them in the past few years have sometimes lead me to believe that ALL of my life experiences are supposed to be like that and I don’t have much control of the direction my life heads. I need to remember that at times I really am completely in the driver seat.