Thirty six days to pack my Canadian life away in boxes
Thirty six days for hugs, kisses, smiles and inevitably a few tears with the people I care most about
Thirty six days to prepare myself physically, mentally and spiritually
Thirty six days until I embark on one of the biggest adventures of my life….
I was meaning to write about my upcoming departure for a while now, but have been at a bit of a loss for words due to being emotional. It’s hard to believe that it was almost 4 years since the very first feeling I had about living in Australia…at that point in my life, it wasn’t even a decision I made. I can clearly remember I was having dinner at this vegan place in the Annex when I overheard a couple talking about their upcoming move to Australia….I got goosebumps and was overcome with a knowing that I too would be living there someday but had no idea what I would be doing there. That day in October 2010 was when I started putting the pieces of the puzzle together…I could write a novel about all that’s happened from that day until now. However, there is only so much I can write in one evening….and I know most of you have been following along and reading my blog since I started so you know some of the tales of this puzzle coming together.
Instead, I’d like to share a more condensed version of what I’ve learned from that day in my life up until now, because taking huge steps forward in life really does make you sit down and reflect on what you’ve done from point A (2010) to point B(now). Not only that, I have also been assessing and reassessing what my goals are from point B to point C and connecting with my values in life.
It’s harder than I thought, putting down in words what I’ve lived and learned in the past few years without going on a rant full of anecdotes under each point I make, so I’m just going to list them all and perhaps someday I will write individual posts on all of them filled with stories of adversity which I can smile about now….but here they are:
1) The only person in life who can be your saviour is yourself….others can definitely help you, and guide you, but ultimately it’s you who calls the shots about how you’re going to live your life.
2) Money and material things don’t really matter so much….a huge part of my reluctance to just pack up and go was the financial commitment and the fact that I would be spending pretty much the down payment of a house for a masters degree and a year of life experiences. I gave up my BMW and beautiful home and feel as if I have gained more in life through humbling myself and really felt no sense of loss. In fact, all my most memorable moments in life involved little to no money at all.
3) Feeding off of drama in life is a waste of time and energy, it’s something I did for years without even realizing it. I can’t really explain how it finally hit me, but it’s like I woke up one day, became aware of what I was doing and just stopped.
4) It’s ok and even a great thing to give up on people sometimes. I’ve been both blessed and cursed with the ability to see people’s full potential when they can’t see it themselves. Trying to nudge people a bit is ok, but when they can’t see they have what it takes to do pretty much anything with their life and continue to be destructive and negative…..just drop them.
5) Judgement of others and instant stereotyping is what causes us to put walls up and segregate ourselves from others, sometimes to the extent that we end up missing out on great connections. I’m sure our inherent ways of easily passing judgement are far more detrimental on a societal level than on the individual level of barricading ourselves in social bubbles.
6) There’s no shame in asking for help. Asking for help actually takes a lot of courage and strength, I figured out that the mask of pride we often wear and mistake as strength is actually fear, fear of being judged or rejected when you’re in need.
7) The universe isn’t out to smite me repetitively….For the longest time, I thought that may have been the case. ESPECIALLY when it came to men in my life. I somehow got myself involved in some terrible situations for the longest time, many of which involved guys breaking up with me by not answering my calls or texts anymore, being stood up two weekends in a row by the same guy, and overall being left with many unfulfilled promises. I realized that there was purpose in all of this….I sometimes wished I had just arrived in this world as a super strong person able to brush off and disentangle myself from bullshit effortlessly, but having to evolve into strength from a pile of mush has left me with something I would have never had if I had gotten the easy way out and that is, empathy for others.
I know it sounds like a bit much and to some of you it may sound like an over dramatization cause it’s not like I’m physically dying or something. In a way the past couple years have been like death though, and I don’t mean that in a negative way at all. What I mean is, a death to ways of life and values that were no longer the right fit.
So that’s what’s happened over the past four years but, what’s next? I mentioned examining my values and setting goals for the future and some of my musings are:
1) Australia won’t be permanent, I know when my plan to study abroad solidified, I told many of you “I might not come back”. I realized I can’t do that, and it’s not my moment of sadness or thoughts of missing everyone speaking. It’s my value of family that’s just too strong to move to the other side of the world permanently. I feel a sense of obligation and responsibility to my parents as they age. It’s also extremely important that my future children know their grandparents and have a relationship with them. It’s always the girls mother who helps with kids and I would NEVER trust my future kids in the hands of a babysitter. I guess I’m old fashioned in that way and it may be a cultural thing that was ingrained into me, but the only ppl I will ever allow to look after my kids are family members.
2) Relevant to my first point, I want babies and I want them now!!! lol, well not quite now, but ASAP after I finish school, find my job and own a home again, and I guess I need to throw marriage in there somewhere too. So…a few years, and time really does fly. It’s a bit scary, but for the first time in my life I’m having baby pangs :S at least this will push me to accomplish all that I set out to faster 🙂
3) I need to always remember the things I learned in the past to have a happy future. Those 7 lessons over the past few years and my resistance of them were the biggest sources of stress in my life, and I know if I forget, the same challenges will arise again.
That’s as far as I’ll go with my musings for now because the future has room for flexibility and I do love spontaneity in life. The present also needs to be thoroughly enjoyed. That being said, I think I’m done with being anxious and sad…at least for a bit.
Thirty six days to make lasting memories with all of you
Thirty six days to be wild and free until I do it all over again in a new setting
Thirty six days to love all of you as much as I can before I go ❤