I was visiting my family over the weekend and ended up getting pretty annoyed with them….For a couple years now my dad has been constantly putting pressure on me to “find somebody and get married” like wtf? It’s not as simple as that LOL…at least for me it’s not. However, since I announced I’m going to be going back to school full time for a year, and changing careers and could potentially be jobless for quite some time….that pressure has been removed, thank god he at least has the logic of “Well if she doesn’t have any money she shouldn’t get married”
My mom had always been the reasonable one, not pressuring me, encouraging me to just date and get to know people…..that all changed this weekend. I don’t know where the fuck it came from, but we were having dinner with some family friends and my mom just kept going on about how I need to “find somebody and get married” I quote that because I don’t understand how they always phrase it like that…makes it sound as if it’s just like going shopping to find a prom dress or something. The dinner was very awkward and my parents friends were actually in my defense……likely cause they’re white and likely don’t understand the whole stupid pressure to just get married stuff.
I do have respect for my parents, but I have no respect at all for their views on marriage as it’s just the typical brown/immigrant view….They think it’s as simple as meeting someone who you find physically attractive, has a “good job” and comes from a “good family” getting to know each other a bit and then deciding to tie the knot. What about chemistry? What about love? I feel very sad saying this, but it’s something they don’t understand because it’s something they’ve never experienced….They got married at a very young age and were basically forced into it…..When I asked my mom why she married my dad the answer had nothing to do with love. She said she married him because she wanted to move to Canada and help her family…it had nothing to do with any of his personal qualities, things she found unique about him or a feeling she had. When I asked my dad why he married my mom he said it was because he listened to his parents….again, it had nothing to do with how he felt, or what he wanted.
I suppose part of them thinks it still works like that….kids just listen to their parents regarding this kind of stuff and they can guilt and pressure them….I can understand that back in the day marriage for some people was about meeting survival needs, and that was why they did it, it wasn’t so much about love. As far as survival goes though, my needs are all taken care of so why would I even bother putting myself in a relationship situation that I feel is less than satisfying? It makes absolutely no sense to spend $50k on a wedding, have some dude waste his money on a rock, and live with something that’s just ok.
Maybe I’m just too idealistic….I’ve never really bothered getting involved with anyone unless I felt chemistry and comfort instantly, it might sound weird but I always know in the first few min. or speaking to someone if I want to keep seeing them or not, must be my intuition. I’ve had many situation in which I have met someone who’s attractive, “looks good on paper” and I’m sure my parents would be very happy about…but, there’s no chemistry, no passion. Some people believe that’s something you can build over time….I don’t think it is, in my opinion it’s a waste of time trying so I just never go out with these people again.
A lot of people do it though, they just date and then marry someone because they look good on paper…I’ve seen friends do this. I can always tell by the way people speak about another person if there’s any depth to their relationship or not…..I can tell it’s just “like” and not “love” when they’e able to state a whole bunch of looks good on paper reasons for dating that person. I can tell it’s love when there’s an essence of passion in the way they speak about that person and they just don’t really know why they love them, and can’t give specific “looks good on paper” reasons as to why they like them.
I can say in all honesty that I would rather spend the rest of my life single than settle into a loveless relationship….I have nothing to gain from that.