Category Archives: Random

stuff that I cannot categorize but had to write about cause it’s awesome!

Life and Death

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I wasn’t expecting I would have anything to write about again until closer to my departure to Australia, but with the passing of my grandfather, I feel the need to write. This may sound morbid, but for the longest time I’ve had a fascination with death and dying…However, my fascination doesn’t stem from anything morbid at all. My interest in death is so I can educate myself and be reminded of how to live my life to the fullest before I die…..and really, none of us know when our time will come. There have been plenty of people in my life who crossed over unexpectedly, so constant growth, reassessment of values and expressing how you feel and not being passive in any situation are all of utmost importance to me.

I have both fortunately and unfortunately been given the gift of being able to see people’s raw emotions under the facades they present to the world. I say fortunately because it gives me a sense of hope that as a species we have not yet become totally mechanical, there is still something salvageable. On the other hand, I say unfortunately because it breaks my heart that most people are not brave enough to express their true feelings or they have become so rigid and controlled by ego that they are not even conscious of what their true feelings are.

I really don’t understand how or why most people don’t act on their internal desires and hold off until X amount of dollars are earned, or until they are X number of years old, or ….. The truth is you don’t know if you will ever reach that X. I can’t speak from experience on this because I have never had a near death experience, but I sense as we come closer to that moment our ego dies first allowing us to review life in a more objective light. Memories are going to flash by in those moments, and in contrast to our ego driven nature of always seeing the negatives, all of the past disappointments and all that may go wrong….without the filter of the ego functioning, our flashbacks are going to be of all the best memories we’ve ever had, not of any heartbreaks or grudges, so why not put as much effort as possible into creating those memories rather than shutting down to avoid heartbreaks, disappointments and failures?

 

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Men who are anti abortion….Why? Yes, I actually have met some men with this view

 

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I have been meaning to write about this for a few weeks now after an interesting conversation with a friend regarding our confusion about some of the men we know who are anti abortion, but kept putting it off in part due to being busy and also in part due to how offensive it may be to some people. My intent isn’t to offend but rather share my perspective and inquire that of others on the topic. From what I’ve seen it’s typically people who are very religious who are anti abortion, but if religion is your reasoning……shouldn’t you be a virgin if you aren’t married?  and doesn’t that make you opposed to condoms and birth control as well? 

I’m singling out the men who are anti abortion here because in my opinion you’re hypocrites unless you abide by all the other laws of religion pertaining to reproduction, and even then, you can’t become pregnant so why should you really have much say on the matter! Also, how can you have such strong opinions on abortion when you’re not even really picturing yourself in an accident type situation? For example, what if you’re raped or forcefully seduced by a psychotic woman who demands you inseminate her and she becomes pregnant? I’m pretty sure in that situation you would become pro abortion…..The situation seems few and far between, but it’s possible! 

 Feel free to share thoughts or opinions because I’m so curious as to why you feel you can justify being anti abortion as a man.

28 Going on 8….Let Your Inner Child Shine

Sweet jebus! it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged….It’s funny how when life is going really well and you’re at your happiest there no longer seems to be much to write about. I reminded myself that writing is one of many things I love to do and remembered I also love inspiring people to do positive things for themselves so thought I’d share with you all a bit of how I’ve been keeping myself so relaxed and happy lately 🙂

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Stress seems to be the one issue that affects all of us across the board because it can be brought on by a multitude of reasons and it’s one of those things that for most of us doesn’t get any better with age. The various prescriptions for stress relief recommended range from physical activities like yoga and exercise and changing your diet, to personal development such as improving on communication with others, learning to be assertive or a better listener and even therapy.

Sometimes fitting these things into your schedule, or resolving the personal issues becomes a stress in itself though….then what?

One of the best approaches to kicking stress in the butt, or at least salvaging enough sanity to move forward with the aforementioned stress relievers is to connect with your inner child and at times, be that child again. I’m not saying go around having temper tantrums in public, or start peeing your pants again, you WILL get hauled to an insane asylum if you do that. What I mean  is, remember the things you loved most as a child and indulge in them, if dressing your dog up as a princess and making him have a tea party with your stuffed animals made you happy as a kid, do it! Make snow angels and build snow men, stuff your face with junk food every now and then, watch your favourite childhood cartoons, play,let yourself get really excited and laugh…a lot!

I am 28 going on 8, I have a furby, watch cartoons and in the summer go psycho when I hear the ice cream truck in my neighbourhood. I remember allowing myself to act on the ice cream impulse on my 28th birthday a few months back, the ice cream man totally flirted with me and gave me extra ice cream….. so you see, embracing your inner child does have its rewards 😉

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The Journey is the Destination

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The title of this is a line I’ve seen thrown around a lot, but haven’t really understood until this morning….

Over the past few weeks I’ve been beating myself up over a few things, but in a nutshell I can narrow it down to a lack of satisfaction with where I am in life right now in terms of  success in achieving my goals. When I say success, I don’t just mean professionally, I mean that and a lot more. I am not satisfied with my level of fitness, I am not satisfied with how I am only modestly aggressive with work rather than being the go getter. I am not satisfied with the fact that I haven’t taken the time to read as much as I have wanted to, and I’m not satisfied with always saying I want to be almost fluent in a couple other languages yet I still only speak and understand Spanish and Italian at a half assed level. I am dissatisfied that I don’t have a much vaster knowledge on subjects that actually interest me. That’s only a fraction of what I’m not satisfied with.

I woke up on my 28th birthday just over a week ago, and felt like I wanted to stay in bed all day and wallow in misery with all those thoughts of “I should be farther in life than this” The feeling passed as I was flooded with birthday messages and met friends later for drinks. I indulged in a bit of a novelty and got a palm reading for my birthday, I have had psychic readings and palm readings in the past, years ago and thought it would be funny see what this palm reader who operates out of a local bar had to say.

As I expected, she didn’t say anything too interesting…..mostly vague characteristics which could be applied to almost anybody. She told me I have an “intense” personality, am an all or nothing type or person and am very hot and cold. *yawn* I was told I will have three children, and I will work late into life because i get bored easily. She said I need to watch myself with addictions like sugar and alcohol (almost all women have a sweet tooth and judging by the fact I’m not skinny she probably figured I indulge lol). I honestly don’t remember much of what she said now because it seemed so trivial.  However, one thing stood out that I related to. She said that I often take a long time to do things due to insecurity. I don’t know if she actually read that, or if she just mentioned it because everyone has insecurity in some way. Regardless, it was relevant to what I was thinking about earlier in the day.

I realized that much of why I am not where I want to be right now is because I haven’t taken enough action. I think a lot….I have many ideas, but my follow through isn’t great. I can see that a fear of failure is usually what holds me back from giving things my 100%. This morning I was reminded of a few times where I studied my ass off for an exam and didn’t do as well as I was thinking I would. The worst time was when I helped a friend who was completely lost study, taught her and she ended up doing better than me. Such instances left me just not wanting to try, and basically with two approaches to everything I do. I either focus so hard for a short period of time to the point I crash and burn (exactly what happened to me with those exams) OR I just don’t put very much effort in at all.  So what does the Journey being the destination have to do with any of that? Well, I came to realize that it’s not always achieving the goal that’s most important but there is value in every step of getting to the goal that’s meant to be fully experienced and by overshooting to the big goal, a lot is missed. With only focusing on the big goal and thinking of it as daunting and unobtainable it becomes easy to just not even try.

Most of you know me as a person of extremes…I’m either eating so clean to the point it’s ridiculous for a few weeks, and then indulging in pizzas and shawarmas for another couple weeks. I’m either working out 5-6 times a week or not at all.  Take those extremes and apply them to basically every other aspect of life and you have me.

I have come to the realization that if I continue on in this way, another birthday is going to come along and I am going be just as dissatisfied because for every step i take forward I take steps back. So my resolution for this 28th year of my life is MODERATION, MODERATION, MODERATION!

I plan to stick with this by setting small goals for myself that assist in achieving the larger goals.  I am not going to write out my entire plan on here, but for example with my health goals. I’m just going to eat things I like in moderation, no weeks of cutting out anything completely unless of course it’s something toxic and aim for a min. of 3x a week for working out, no pressuring myself to do 6x a week. Also, I need to keep in mind that with everything I do, expanding my knowledge is key for me in keeping my motivation. I look back at what motivated me when I first lost weight, and what motivated me when I was weight lifting intensely for a while and see that I was constantly engaged in learning new information both theoretically and practically. I need to invest a bit more time into reading and connecting with others who have similar interests.  I will stick to similar principles in all areas of my life, and see if this attempt at a balanced approach produces forward motion.

Step 1: do not overshoot, crash, and become discouraged

Step 2: Set a small goal for every area of life

Step 3: Go do it

Step 4: Repeat with next goal

Another reason why I am often reluctant to try is because I have had many instances in life where I have tried so hard to attain a specific goal and despite consistent efforts it has been held away. In my life hard work was not always equated with success in a traditional sense.  In those instances where I have had the things I was working towards withheld from me I have always been driven into some sort of internal lesson to reassess my life values….I won’t go into much detail there but just end off by saying those types of life situations and the frequency in which I have encountered them in the past few years have sometimes lead me to believe that ALL of my life experiences are supposed to be like that and I don’t have much control of the direction my life heads. I need to remember that at times I really am completely in the driver seat.

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Reflections of the past couple months

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It seems like I never write anymore, and I definitely should be doing so more often. So much has happened over the past couple months that I haven’t communicated about.

Work is new, location is new and it seems like life as a whole is new for the most part. I only told a handful of people I relocated to Ottawa for work and it wasn’t anything personal against anyone that I didn’t say good bye or keep in touch. For those of you I told, you are the ones who are closest to me and know me well. For those of you who I have been close with in the past and didn’t contact, it was simply a difference in core values that caused me to fall away. For others who are acquaintances, or friends who I am generally not in regular touch with, you get to hear about it now!

I lived in Toronto for about 6 years and grew deeply attached to that city. As time marched on, relationships started and ended, friends came and went until it got to the point where I felt lost and alone in my own city which I had once been so lively in. Opportunities in all areas of life came to a stand still, so change had to come. As I always do, I left much of the direction of change up to the universe to decide i.e. Opportunity would come to me in the place I am supposed to be. Ottawa popped up, and it was an appealing change. Not sure if I will survive in winter here, but we shall see when the time comes if I see fuzzy little beavers around lie in the photo above, I am sure it won’t be so bad. I don’t know yet if this will be a long term home for me, I will be testing the waters here for a bit but so far I like it.

Things I like about Ottawa so far:

-less traffic than TO

-wider variety of coffee shops!

-small town feel in a relatively large city

-the fact that if you are a regular somewhere people acknowledge that. I went to the same freaking grocery store and coffee shops for years and nobody cared despite seeing me ALL the time. Only exception is the coffee shop Cabin Fever, those hipsters were so nice!

-All the great spots for running

-Gatineau park. Went for a hike with friends there a couple weeks ago, it was so lovely

-The simplicity and laid back vibe of many of the people in comparison to TO. It’s not as much of a look at me and look at what I have sort of place.

Although I like most things about Ottawa, it is a bit tough adjusting to a new home and new city. It’s not a perfectly laid out grid so I find it a bit difficult to navigate and the amount of French I hear here has me freaked out sometime and I really don’t know why lol. That being said, I am not homesick in any way.

For those of you wondering what happened to my plan to go to Australia for a year and do my masters degree in International Public Health, that plan has been derailed, at least temporarily. The financial investment became a concern so I’m taking my time on that one. My spidey senses tell me I won’t be married until about 4-5 years from now, so I have plenty of time to still go off on that adventure.

In the meantime I am living out an adventure a bit closer to home.

What I learned from Being Robbed by a Hobo

That face right there…that was the look on my face for a couple of days last week…

Most of you know I was robbed by a hobo….he took my iphone from right under my nose basically and I didn’t realize it until a few min. later……after realizing I went completely mental for the next couple days. My phone is still missing and I am currently using a blackberry from 2009……and I have to say, this has all been an eye opening situation.

I was sitting there having coffee and working away on my laptop when a cracked out hobo walked into the place and came right up to me….he leaned over my computer and got right into my face asking me several questions. I was nervous cause 1) he was majorly invading my personal space 2) I have no idea what this guy was on or what he was capable of doing, I didn’t know if he was going to attempt to chew my face off 3) He smelled really bad…..

I asked him to leave me alone, he walked away then a few min. later when I went to check messages on my phone…..it was gone. I then had a meltdown and caused a slight scene…someone was kind enough to lend me their phone to call the police. I waited over an hour for them to show up and take a report. I spent most of the following day fighting with Telus in an attempt to get a new phone for less than the $380 to buy out my contract…I also spent most of the day looking for an old phone from someone that I could use. In addition to that, I spent a lot of time scouring kijiji to see if my phone ended up being posted for sale. I spent those two days completely miserable…..and over what? A piece of plastic and metal…

I was panicked about missing important calls….After a bit more time I finally realized that despite shedding myself of certain dependencies in life i.e. being dependent on the way other people view me, or being dependent on having certain people in my life. I still haven’t overcome many of my materialistic dependencies. I lost my balance for about two days over a goddamn phone!

Being without a phone for a bit also made me realize the negative impact of society becoming so dependent on their phones…..just a few years ago, maybe 10 years ago or less, it wasn’t so common for people to have cell phones. I remember in high school not many people had them, and I got my first cell phone in first year university…I barely even used it to be honest and the only function that I used was receiving calls and making calls. Life was simple….the only times I conversed with people via a medium other than face to face was when I was at home on my computer. I checked my e-mail maybe twice a day, and that was enough. With the increasing capabilities of phones over the years it seems productivity levels may have actually gone down because we can get so easily distracted with things like being able to constantly check e-mail and facebook and various other apps.  With the capability of being able to be in touch and get back to people so quickly it’s like we expect everything to be done in the snap of a finger and go through life at such a fast pace without being able to see what’s actually going on around us. I’m sure there are also a lot of advantages to our phones, but I wasn’t quite so aware of the drawbacks until I lived without a phone for a bit and am now living with 2009 technology that doesn’t properly function lol. I did something interesting or weird…..however you want to look at it, a few days ago. I was still feeling a bit stressed about the phone situation but realized there’s nothing I could do about it and I had to accept that, so I took a walk around downtown by myself…..without anything with me, no phone, no cash. just myself.  It was amazing how much more receptive I was to my surroundings without a phone with msgs coming in constantly taking my focus. It was pleasant and I was very relaxed….putting the technology aside at times seems to be a good way to get back in touch with your surroundings and with yourself….I highly recommend it! and, I have decided I’m not going to buy another iphone, or smart phone…at least not for quite some time.

Conversing With the Homeless

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I have often been curious about how the homeless end up in their situation, how could life become so bad that when you’e at an ultimate financial low…you turn to drugs and thus remain stuck on the street rather than going for the logical option of getting yourself straightened out. I in no way look down on these people, have just been curious about what sort of traumatic situations they’ve been in to get them where they are.

Long conversations with the homeless aren’t something I’ve experienced before today….Usually they just ask for change and sometimes I give it to them, sometimes I don’t, end of story. They usually don’t talk much beyond asking for change or random gibberish if they’re really drugged up so it’s never been an appropriate situation to ask “How did you end up here?” Plus the fact that they’re begging for money makes me think they would just fabricate some sad story about their life to try to suck more money out of you.

I met a homeless woman today though, and it was a bit different….rather than the usual neutrality I feel towards them., for some reason, I felt different towards her. She wasn’t begging for money, just saw her walking into a driveway and she got freaked out by a huge raccoon that was sitting there. She said to me “Did you see that thing!?” Me: “It’s just a raccoon” I don’t know why, but I kept talking to her….It was cold out and she definitely wasn’t dressed for the weather, so I gave her my coffee which I probably wasn’t going to finish anyway. I told he to wait there, and I would bring her a jacket. I figured if I gave away 6 garbage bags full of clothes recently giving a jacket to someone wasn’t really a big deal.  (keep in mind she never asked me for anything)

I got her the jacket, and we talked a bit more….since I felt this was a situation in which I could ask about how she ended up on the street without being coerced into giving her anything else, I just straight out asked her. She told me she started doing drugs as a way to cope after a guy left her and took everything. She said she had $200,000 in the bank,  thought she would marry the guy, opened a joint bank account….then he took everything and left. She ended up crying when she told me the story. She also mentioned she has 2 kids who are around my age and they want her to come home so they can help her….She didn’t really say why she won’t just go live with her kids, I didn’t bother probing her though because sometimes people just don’t wanna say everything, and I respect that. I usually don’t spill all my personal stories to strangers either.

Anyway, she never asked me for anything else….seems all she needed was someone to talk to a bit and listen….That made me think, maybe what most people who’ve hit rock bottom really need is just someone to take time and listen to them. We give these people money, food, shelters to stay in….but how often is it we actually give them respect and show some actual compassion? I think that’s the one thing that’s lacking in initiatives that are meant to help the homeless, they’re there to meet the physical survival needs of the people but there’s not much as far as emotional support. I think the element of emotional support really is important considering that many of these people wound up where they are due to their lack of ability to handle difficult emotional situations.  I mean who just randomly thinks “I’m going to start doing crack…..it’s going to be so fun!”? I think you need to be in a pretty desperate situation before turning to substances to numb yourself…

I’m not trying to preach that everyone should just go randomly talking to homeless people now. I think the point I’m trying to get across is that if you’re ever in a situation where you’re helping someone (anyone, not just the homeless)….try to throw in some form of emotional support if you can, you never know, it could be the tipping point that shows them there’s still some good left in the word and inspires them to change. (that might be my idealistic thinking again lol)

The Most Important Things I’ve Learned in Life so far

So again, one of those days is upon me where I feel like getting a bit more personal with my writing. In the past I would rarely ever do such a thing, but because I feel like I’ve grown so far from caring about the opinions and judgement others may have towards me it feels like such a natural thing to do. I also feel that if I can inspires or help people in any way, deep personal experience is such an invaluable thing to write about.

I feel like I’ve learned a lot about life and myself over the past few years, probably more in the past 3-4 years than I’ve learned in the 24 years before that. Of course I spent those 24 years learning stuff, but I feel it wasn’t so much learning about myself on a deeper level but learning the basics i.e. getting through school, dealing with petty drama with friends, having a boring part time job, drinking and partying…..then doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do, getting into a high paying career, having a serious relationship and buying a place of my own. I did all of those things and for the most part everything ended up falling apart…..I won’t get into all the details of what happened with my relationship, the place I owned a couple years ago and my career. Although I guess most of you know what happened with regard to career plans, me wanting to do something more meaningful with my life and discovering it in Africa.

From parting with all of the above I learned the value of non attachment, it sounds very Buddhist I know….and I actually did have interest in and read up quite a bit on Buddhism a few years ago before any of this came along. It resonated with me because there is no God in Buddhism and the religion itself was about life principles that made sense to me. I don’t think I totally got the non attachment thing at the time though, I understood how maybe people could lose their attachments to tangible things, but to lose attachment to people and expectations without being cold and emotionless? That made no sense to me.

Over the past few years I have been able to develop an understanding of the principle of non attachment, it most definitely doesn’t mean you become a cold and unloving person. What happens is you become a person who is capable of giving a lot and not expecting anything in return. You can love people without feeling the need to possess, control, feel jealousy towards or have expectation of that person…..in other words, it’s unconditional love.  Many people think that the only ones we can love in such a way are family members or maybe our best friends from childhood. That’s simply not true though, we’re capable of experiencing this with relationship partners as well although most people would think of it as impossible. The key to living in this way is first find yourself, get to a place where you feel you can give yourself in an empowered way. What I mean by this is a place where you’re giving to someone just because you want to, not because you want, need or expect anything from them in return to validate what you gave. It has to be a place where you feel you can give of yourself and not be offended or hurt if what you give is not accepted.

I don’t think many people get to this place with their relationships, as spiritual practice doesn’t seem to be a strong part of most peoples lives. However, I do think many are capable if they do enough work on themselves to get to a place where they are so solid and sure of themselves that the way another reacts to them won’t throw them far off balance. It takes a lot of hard work and discipline, going through layers and layers of inner baggage….but in the long run it’s worth it because you become emotionally free and are able to decipher what’s coming from your ego and what’s coming from your true self (your soul).

I will admit that from time to time I still intentionally come off as unsure about certain things to my friends just because I know they wouldn’t understand how I could be so assured and calm about certain things and I know they wouldn’t get it if I explain so it’s easier this way because they would probably think I’m just bullshitting them lol.

I’ve also learned that everything in life is transient….something can feel so solid one day and then be dust the next. I think this fact should encourage more of us to follow the principle of non attachment, because we really don’t possess as much control over our lives as we like to think. If so much control over life were possible I would now be married to someone who just over three years ago I thought I could never find happiness beyond. Being forced out of that situation and into new territory also forced me to dive deeper into me when I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was really depressed and never showed that to anyone because I’ve always hated the whole “awwww, don’t worry, you’ll find someone new” kind of thing. I didn’t want someone new, I just wanted to be happy……I went from being someone who’s life was primarily my boyfriend and work with virtually no outside interests to being someone very independent, rediscovering old hobbies from the past, also discovering new things I loved doing…..I started working out and eating super healthy for the first time in my life and that’s a love that’s never died over these years even though I have my breaks from time to time. I started travelling on my own and learned a lot of things about myself that way along with better developing my intuition.

Had I just sat around and sulked and found “someone new” none of that would have ever happened. This is why I know that when we’re faced with daunting situations in life it’s always best to just tackle them head on rather than sitting and waiting for someone else, or something else to come along….waiting never really accomplishes anything in life.

That brings me to something else I learned in life that’s very important and is the reason why I no longer have fear about experiencing painful situations in life. A few weeks ago I looked back at all the experiences in my life that had me distraught in some way and I realized that the proportion of events in my life that brought me joy were exactly equal. According to the laws of Karma, what we experience in life is in perfect balance…..and I can definitely see there’s truth to that, I think we are often just slaves to our egos, and the ego ALWAYS puts emphasis on the unpleasant rather than the joyous moments we’ve had in life.

Based on all of these things I’ve learned over the past years, I’ve come to realize that it’s totally safe (and often very enriching) to just dive in and go in the direction your soul and the universe is leading you….

So there’s no holding back now, just living and dreaming aloud.

PS. listen to this song, it`s amazingly beautiful.

There’s stardust in her skin

From her forehead to her feet

She lets it soak down into her blood

Cause she doesn’t know that

The sun will rise

Her beauty from within

Slowly changes all the voices

From mud to gorgeous

They settle in cause

They don’t know that

The sun will rise

Four orbs of brilliant red

Leave an imprint in her mind

They circle down like

They know she’s gone yet

She doesn’t realize

The sun will rise

The heat turns into ice

And it freezes all that’s living

The light sweeps out as the cold seeps in and

Now she hopes that

The sun will rise

A Rare Thing, A Look Into My Inner World

For some reason I haven’t had much to write about lately….Not sure where this writers block has come from because usually I’m inspired constantly by the various conversations I have with people, or things I hear and read in the news.

Lately though, I’ve just been experiencing “real life”, when I say this….I’m not referring to life in the physical, work 9-5, have a shit load of responsibilities to take care of, go go go kind of sense…..I mean life in an internal spiritual sense. Learning more about myself, my strengths, my flaws…..learning more to decipher between what’s my ego and what my genuine impulses and emotions are.

To be honest, I’m not even sure exactly where I’m going with this entry….I just felt I should write, didn’t know what to write about but went ahead anyway and this is what’s coming out. That last line actually has a lot of meaning to me as it’s very relevant to what I’ve been reflecting on the past couple days. I felt an impulse, didn’t know where it would go but just ran with it anyway.

I’ve been discovering my life is most fulfilling when I just go with my impulses in the moment rather than pondering on what the end result of acting on said impulse will be. A lot of people may see this as irresponsible, foolish and not being conscious of the consequence of my actions. However, I feel a lot better putting this into practice because I’m seeing that living by those internal impulses rather than what you’e socially conditioned to think you’re supposed to do results in having a stronger sense of inner peace and a clearer sense of direction in life because you’re not stuck thinking “what if?” with regard to everything that could possibly go wrong…you’re just living every moment as it comes and crossing every emotional bridge, happy or sad, when you get there rather than mentally fighting with it sooner.

I have seen that living an overly strategic life where one is rigidly attached to a specific outcome rather than just going with what feels right can ironically be a huge impediment to action and progress. I hope I am not being misinterpreted here and coming across as “Just don’t have any goals in your life and be a hippy who goes nowhere in life”. I am definitely not big on that extreme either, and don’t think I could ever see myself as hippy who speaks of changing the world  and peace yet sits on their ass smoking weed and living in their imaginary world.

I think it’s a matter of assessing whether you’re working towards your goals out of passion (the internal impulses) or not. I’m honestly not even sure exactly how to assess that, don’t know what questions you would ask yourself. I just know for quite a while, about 2 years, I haven’t felt totally happy with what I do despite making good money, not having to work a lot of hours and living what most people would consider a very high quality of life. I realize most people will feel like smacking me over the head for complaining…..but what I was seeking all that time wasn’t more material gain, I was looking for a sense of purpose. It’s a bit funny how I didn’t find it until I just stopped over thinking about the long term possibilities of what could happen if I choose career #1, career #2 and so on. I stopped focusing so heavily on the financial logistics of it all, stopped focusing so hard on employment prospects etc. and quieted my mind a bit. That’s when all the signs started pouring in.

In particular it was when I was in Africa that the signs were coming my way,  one of the paths I had been thinking about was Masters of Public Health. When I was speaking to people I met over there about not being sure what I want to do with my life, based on my background up to now and my interests I kept getting the suggestion “you should consider a masters in public health” I took it to heart that I got those signs and made a decision based on that, I guess you can say it’s a leap of faith I’m taking. Also, with the interest I have in international development I narrowed it down to masters of international public health. Now, going along even further with this whole talk about impulses and gut feelings…..I can recal having two dreams back in January, in the dreams I was living in Australia. In one of the dreams I was skyping my parents telling them I was really happy there….in the other dream I remember going to visit one of my friends who lives in Sydney with her bf, and also my parents were going there to visit me…..I had no idea what all that was about, but I remembered that back in late 2010 I was out for dinner and group of two couples sitting near me were talking about moving to Australia soon….the younger couple were the ones moving. When overhearing the conversation I reacted….it’s really hard to explain how I reacted…it’s just like I was struck with a feeling of “I’m going to be living there too someday”, a gut reaction.

I didn’t put together the pieces about the dreams and why I would be living there until I did some research into masters programs. I checked out the ones around here of course, and there are only two that offer the option I’m interested in, and out of the two programs I feel only one is exactly what I’m looking for. I then did some research on schools outside of Canada, and it seemed Australia had the most interesting programs, was also able to get feed back from a friend of a friend who did her masters of international public health at Queensland and everything sounded awesome, so I am applying to schools there. I’m sure most of you read that anecdote and thought “self fulfilling prophecy” I don’t know though…..I’ve had stuff like this happen before, where I’ve felt like something was going to happen, or dreamed about something and it has indeed happened. I think the best examples are car accidents that I’ve dreamed of happening, cause those are the kind of things you avoid turning into a self fulfilling prophecy…..I remember the time I dreamed I rear ended someone….and yes, it happened the next day, ugh. Last week I actually had a dream my car got t boned, and a couple days later it ALMOST happened. I saw them coming and swerved into the next lane on yonge street almost hitting someone…..I was shaken up a bit, but very happy that one didn’t actually happen…..I realize I’ve gone off on a major tangent here lol….and I could probably go on and on about things I’ve had gut feelings about or dreams about happening, things that would freak you all out and have most of you thinking I’m nuts….but I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Now I will get back to my main point, about how to decipher whether or not you’re following your passion….

I believe that when people follow a genuine passion it’s not going to be entirely self serving, it can still earn you a high income, but at the same time it will be about sharing a valuable part of yourself in a way that impacts other people positively….and that can be in a mass way, or one on one, doesn’t matter. When what you’re doing becomes solely about yourself…..that’s when I think it’s no longer serving much purpose. When the job is just about you and making material gains, that’s when I think it becomes miserable. I was chatting with a friend earlier this evening about how she’s gone into a dept. management role at the hospital, and it being a big change from having only the responsibilities of caring for patients before….I remembered her talking about not thinking management roles were for her in the past due to her life being of a more spiritual nature rather than materially driven…..We came to the conclusion that with most jobs, regardless of what level you’re at, it can be done in a way that’s self serving, or if you’re genuinely passionate about what you do, it can be done in a way that’s beneficial for many.

I do realize there are people who need to work solely for the purpose of material gain to meet survival needs. My point applies to people who have gotten beyond fulfilling their survival needs.

I’m not sure if everything I wrote tonight made sense because I now have my head on my pillow and am about to fall asleep…zzzzzImage

Jesus Died for Your Sins, and Came Back to Eat your Brains, Issues With Religion

I decided to postpone writing my entry analyzing why male tennis players choose to have so much hair despite being sweaty all the time, and also postpone starting my blog series “places to pick up the opposite sex” because the engagement party last night was terrible, everyone was in couples and the very few single guys were not good enough looking for me, and we left early lol.

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So instead, I bring you a rant about religion, with appropriate timing I think! First though, a bit about Easter because I know most of my readers are non christian’s and wouldn’t have likely been taught about the story of Easter…Oddly, I’m baptized and raised Catholic, which is likely due to mission workers who travelledl abroad to save the souls of my ancestors by leading us away from Hinduism and into the light  *rolls eyes*…….I went to catholic school, in which we had to sit through religion class and learn about stuff from the Bible. My memory isn’t too sharp on most of this stuff since I’m not religious at all, but I can state in short form what happened around Easter. Jerusalem was under rule of the Roman Empire while Jesus had a large following in the Jewish population for doing such things as walking on water, turning water into wine and feeding hundred’s with one loaf of bread and a few fish. The Romans saw Jesus as a threat due to the potential of him leading an uprising. He was charged with criminal offences which he was found guilty of, then he was executed by being nailed to a cross.  It has been said that he rose from the dead three days after….so he must have been a zombie right? Perhaps the people of this era just weren’t familiar with symptoms of zombism and just thought he was acting strange. My theory is they found the tomb open because after the burial brain hungry zombies raided it,  eating Jesus’ brain thus transforming him into a zombie. I suspect zombies of this era just layed low most of the time and only operated in darkness….cause I think even zombies wouldn’t want to mess with the Romans, I know I wouldn’t!

Ok, so I’m being really silly, but I don’t see how much sillier my theory is than much of the stuff that’s written in the bible. I honestly have an easier time believing in aliens than I do believing we are all the descendants of one man and a woman who was made out of his rib….

I do think religion can be very interesting, but at the same time I think ancient scriptures were not meant to be taken literally, but much of what was written was symbolic and the problem with that is we cannot exactly interpret what was trying to be said. Not only does symbolism make things cloudy, but a lot of meaning may have been lost in translation. I do realize I may be offending a lot of people with this, but my point here isn’t to insult people who are religious, because being “religious” isn’t really the problem. I feel people can be religious in a very productive way or a very unproductive way.  In my opinion, taking every little detail as fact and not having any proof that it is fact and fighting with those who don’t agree and telling them they’re going to burn in hell for their sins…that’s not being productive. On the flip side, doing your best to live your life by some of the principles of religion is productive. Another example of unproductive religiousness are the stereotypical bible thumping red necks who are racist, anti homo sexual, pro war etc. etc.   It makes no sense to me because they claim to be good Christians, yet they’re clearly placing major judgement on others….and I’ve never heard any religious teachings that claim we should be judging others. Then the whole racist thing, I’ve always found it hilarious because Jesus wasn’t even white!!

I know I’ve been using Jesus and the bible as my point of reference, and that’s not meant to be an attack on Christianity, it was just the most convenient for me to use. I think the same contrast between being religious in a productive way or unproductive way exist in any religion.

cons of organized religion:

  • turns people against each other and keeps them closed minded, differences in religion have been an ongoing cause of conflict between individuals and nations. I have seen marriages that should have happened not happen simply over the fact that the two people were of different religions and their families were completely opposed to it, religion ruins love!
  • uses fear to disempower people, many religions attempt to scare people into adhering to certain behaviour. Also, a fear of not conforming to the ways of everyone else exists within many religious communities. I feel like religion, along with other organized institutions that are part of our lives can deter people from exploring who they really are or their full potential because whatever it is they’re wanting to express is frowned upon by their religion. A really big one that most people overlook delving deeper into is their own intuitive potential. Anything even a bit esoteric was frowned upon by the church, and it seems that today much of that realm is still frowned upon and untouched.
  • members of the communities donate money to their churches and temples and in my opinion it doesn’t go anywhere positive….religion isn’t something progressive that’s changing for the better. It’s the same books preached over and over again and that money is most likely going towards lawn maintenance and utility bills. That money could be invested into soooo many better things

As you can see I could go on and on, but now I will get to the pro’s

  • after mass is always the time to hear the best gossip
  • It provides us with holidays that we can take off work and spend with our family and friends that would not exist if it wasn’t for organized religion
  • Most of these holidays involve stuffing our faces with food, getting really drunk and getting gifts

I still think the cons outweigh the pro’s, but I will enjoy the pro’s and I hope you all remember what this day is really about! It’s about celebrating chickens mating with rabbits to give us those amazing chocolate eggs!! Happy Easter everyone 🙂