I wasn’t expecting I would have anything to write about again until closer to my departure to Australia, but with the passing of my grandfather, I feel the need to write. This may sound morbid, but for the longest time I’ve had a fascination with death and dying…However, my fascination doesn’t stem from anything morbid at all. My interest in death is so I can educate myself and be reminded of how to live my life to the fullest before I die…..and really, none of us know when our time will come. There have been plenty of people in my life who crossed over unexpectedly, so constant growth, reassessment of values and expressing how you feel and not being passive in any situation are all of utmost importance to me.
I have both fortunately and unfortunately been given the gift of being able to see people’s raw emotions under the facades they present to the world. I say fortunately because it gives me a sense of hope that as a species we have not yet become totally mechanical, there is still something salvageable. On the other hand, I say unfortunately because it breaks my heart that most people are not brave enough to express their true feelings or they have become so rigid and controlled by ego that they are not even conscious of what their true feelings are.
I really don’t understand how or why most people don’t act on their internal desires and hold off until X amount of dollars are earned, or until they are X number of years old, or ….. The truth is you don’t know if you will ever reach that X. I can’t speak from experience on this because I have never had a near death experience, but I sense as we come closer to that moment our ego dies first allowing us to review life in a more objective light. Memories are going to flash by in those moments, and in contrast to our ego driven nature of always seeing the negatives, all of the past disappointments and all that may go wrong….without the filter of the ego functioning, our flashbacks are going to be of all the best memories we’ve ever had, not of any heartbreaks or grudges, so why not put as much effort as possible into creating those memories rather than shutting down to avoid heartbreaks, disappointments and failures?